Temptation though art a heartless bitch!

ok this post i have decided to write to cure boredom but also to take my mind off facebook...

ive now admitted to myself that i have a bad facebook addiction and it really got to me to the point where im wanting to deactivate my account just to prove to myself that i can survive without it...
so far surviving without it, is not going so well

Temptation though art a heartless bitch!

ah fuck you facebook and all your gossip that you hold within you many profiles and in your homepage

why

why

why

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

they say admitting you are obsessed is the first step towards quitting sooo here

THIS IS MY CONFESSION RIGHT HERE IN WRITING!!!

I Kirra Frances Mardel am BADLY addicted to the social network that is Facebook.

that wasnt as hard as i thought........

next is trying to stay off facebook!.....will i survive...i honestly do not know!

mabye i should try a new hobby such as iono....writing songs?...mabye even go for a run when i feel tempted to go on facebook....cant harm me can it!?!?!....

well unless i get attacked by a bunch of magpies, or bitten by some deadly snake that eventually kills me because i cant reach help in time because the venom has spread around my body and taken a hold of my life which means that i will pass out on the street somewhere and by the time someone finds me i will have decomposed into tiny little pieces, so small that not even the best forensic scientist is able to identify my remains and i will be lost into eternity forever....

thats only what MAY happen....but to be safe ill just go for a swim, mabye sunbake that may take my mind off it....

though there are worse addictions then facebook like cocaine!.....but atleast with cocaine you can go to rehab and be with other crack heads....right now i am alone sooo aloneeee as i go through this..........

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



*dies*

i dont think i can do it!


really canttt do thissss!!!!

but i must have strength to do this


right now

im being very bipolar listening to bohiemian rhapsody.....

oh god

im hearing the facebook chat sound!



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


ugh....

i think im just gonna leave....

this bitch is finally 18!

so it has been exactly 1 week since my birthday and to say it has been a rather fun week...my party was awesome and my cake turned out even better than i expected and my night could not be ruined...it was my night and i seriously did feel like a star on the red carpet...a few people did try to get onto my last nerve during the day butt i did not let that bring my spirits down...
so after a night of dancing and legal drinking i was greeted by miss jana,  who bought more alcohol and it wasnt until after her 3 in 1 shot she made me skull did i actually start to feel the aftermath and i had opened my presents and passedd out only to wake up at some unknown time to see mel passed out next to me and mitchell on the other bed half on the bed and half crawling towards mine...(hmmm lol) so i didnt end up waking up again till about 12:00 when melissa thought it would funny ti tickle my nose. not cool man haha
though i have to say it was quite a fun week besides the fact i had a hsc exam on my birthday for amy and also the day after....i hope i went really well i this being worth 70% of my final mark but i wont exactly know this until i get all my results back...

welll beung me my mind has wondered elsewhere watching tvsooo
till next time
xoxox
KirRawr

hmmm 11:00 on a thursday night.....lets blog!

sooo i shall start off with the best peice of news......

I
FINALLY
GOT
MY
CAR!
...
mhmmmmmm brand spankin new as well!.....so yesterday at exactly 5:25 Hayley the Honda City was born and bought into my lovin arms!.....literally...it was the best surprise ever walking outside to smell that new car smell relising that it wasnt the normal smell coming from the holden....i turn the light on and there she was sitting there with her little smiling grill a quick scream and i was there by her side hugging her and mum for my new baby!
anywayyyyssss....i havent driven her yet i want to get some floor mats and stuff...pimp her up a little...not that she needs it!
so as i still bask in the glory that is my car....i stopped and "reflected"...well it wasnt really reflecting it was more laughing at those who desire a car like mine and ended up with a crappy little car that looks somewhat like a girls car.... EL EM AY OH!
seriously...that kept me entertained for the rest of my night.....and it still does! tehe!

so today at school it was Careersearch at uws...go look at UNI'S and courses we want to do when we finish school =)...found a heap of my courses and more surprising me but the best part was the frisbee that was taken as a freebie from the Canberra Uni....ultimate entertainment...even through lunch!...a little disc can keep yr 12s amused...it just shows how much this hsc is wanting us to be little kids again!....

so holidays begin in approx 17 hours...this break...well its not really a break its a "study time" will give me some relaxation....i hope...seriously i need it!......

though looking at the time now its 11:11.......MAKE A WISH!
.......................................................................................
ok over!
and looking at that time....it seems to be late for me
so off to bed i go i think....
ciao ciao
xoxo
KirRawr && Hayley

So Self Obsessed with my mascara and mistakes, vainity's like a funeral and everyone is at my wake ♫

well yes it has been just a couple of months since i last blogged....Februrary 27th to be exact....i suck at keeping a blog i swear!...
soo life is going Great!
it pretty much revolves around school, singing, work, drama (the acting kind) and of course Auditions =)
recently i auditioned for an Amii insurance ad and next weekend is my x-factor audition thankfully jana is coming with me for moral support!...speaking of that girl i havent seen her for yonks!...and i mean YONKS!
oh how i miss her!...but its ok because we are serious about the motherfucking number 3! haha <3
thats true love right there! lmao!
soon im getting my car =) so excited for that! ive had my p's for over a month and sadly i have not driven anywhere yet =(...but thats cause mum has been in hospital...now that she's out im dragging her ass to look at cars! tehe!
well yes you can tell im quite bored due to the fact its a sunday night....sunday nights suck because that means that 2morrow is monday which means school which means that another day is past till the hsc which also means the time that i have to start auditioning for my uni's.....
the top 5 uni's im hoping to get into are.....*drum roll*

1. National institute of dramatic art (Nida)
2. Australian Academy of dramatic art
3. Australian Institute of dramatic art (much love if i get into here...i mean like NY and LA campus' FTW!)
4. Western Australian academy of performing arts
5. australian institute of music...

but they are only the top 5.....im sure ill get into at least one of them....though the american one ive only just told mum about....not sure whether she will let me go =( hopefully if i get in she will and then heyloooooooooo hollywood....or New york....i'll take either! haha!
wellllll
now that you really wasted you time reading this....imma go haha!

xoxo

"Its all good like i keep telling you deserve it at least i know when i lay my head to sleep that your the one person i know in my heart i dont want to loose, i'm going to bed thinking of you thats all i can say"

This week i have no looked at one dress to do with a wedding....YES!

it was a week spent enjoying myself not having to worry about anything.

last blog i failed to mention somthing though...the meeting of jackson.
yes ivana go on go on.
but this guy is amazing. and i spent most of the week talking to him about anything and everything.
mostly spongebob and how he was going to go fishing to catch me a squidward and a sandy....LOL
but of course this wasnt my entire week.
i was asked to go down to melbourne with mum2 to go and see jersey boys with her, but unfortunatly because of the party i couldnt go.
so then tuesday came around and me and the girls went to stockies to watch the princess and the frog.
BEST MOVIE EVER!
rebbeca and my seats were broken and made noices evertime we moved, causing bianca to burst out laughing and me having to hold the popcorn just so they could reach it.
after the movie it was time for chocolate.
most epic place by far =)

"Chocolate, prior to contrary belief, does not cause; acne, diabetes and/or fatness. *reads lower* Chocolate contains sugar and fat, eat in moderation."

yes this was written in the menu...HAHAHAHA
and the great quote of "ummm can i get a lettuce leaf and why is there sugar in this pepsi maxxx *twirls hair* aha!" by bianca
so after that we went into target trying on all the hats and heels finally getting rebbeca in a pair and of course the epileptic dogs singing "do you love me"
when i was home i pretty much had to get ready for work and leave to go back and see bianca and rebbeca again =)
and of course i was stuck on drive thru so heat heat and more heat, most of the night when we didnt have cars was spent sitting in the freezer making boxes or spent in the fridge having our "sexxi time"
best night at work by far =)

wednesday was spent cleaning for the party 2night and thursday  was missy and my randomly planned day at the rink.
we spent 5 hours skating only paid for 3 (i love knowing people at lcc) and spending the time convincing people we were professionals and sitting or laying on the ice taking pictures before being sprayed by the guys =P we were soaked by the end, but we got some good shots =P
and then the random going back to missy's house to watch the Hannah Montanna movie! and looking at our pictures and videos from the day...TWITCHY EYE SPINNING!! LOL

i got home about 8:00 with a massive blister on my foot by it was so much fun anyway.

friday was spent cleaning and decorating and eventually me and courtney dancing to push up outside in the garage, and then spending the rest of the night on facebook talking to jackson.
well thats about all for now.

this was the life of the teenage drama queen =)

xoxo
KirRawr

Till Now I Always Got By On My Own I Never Really Cared Until I Met You...

So things still arnt back to normal, and after many cries on the phone and at night i think i have no tears left to cry.

so last week found me trying on endless dresses and watching the bride try on endless bridal gowns trying to find the perfect one that would make her feel like a princess on her special day.
this started on monday and finished on friday.
for the first couple of hours courts tried on her gowns and each one looked amazing on her.
then after courtney exhausted from trying on each gown that would take about 30 minutes to put on, courtney flops on the lounge exhausted and says ok girls your turn ive had enough.
this cues the lady going to get me a peach coloured dress and daniela getting a bright pink coloured gown.
the most ugliest dresses we've ever seen.
and yes i had to try it on...
i walked out to look like a giant peach.
daniela in the middle of getting changed had to walk out with only a bra and jeans on. meanwhile we all rofld so hard i couldnt even stand.
then after looking in the mirror i came to the conclusion when wearing these dresses that i wouldnt walk down the isle i would fly and then started flapping my arms with the dress following....and daniela followed.
they were taken off quickly and then tried on dress after dress...it wasnt until we got to calabro 4 stores down that courtney found something she liked. we tried it on, all liked it and then finally had an idea for a dress.
this was until courtney was told that calabro are going into resevership.
fail!
so tuesday courtney wanted to take a break so i started on my M.T.P and kept going till i had to go to work...
work on a tuesday night with Lisa, Bianca and Rebbeca.
OH SO MUCH FUN!
i walked in and kim hadnt shown for her shift, so i was put on front counter with Jason. cue the "omg your a failure you fail at everything"...-_-' thanks jason... LOL
so i spent most of my night out the back with the girls helping them out...haha suffer jason! LOL
while out the back we came up with the brillant idea we all needed to go out we all want to go see the princess and the frog so cue omg when arnt you working next uhhh thursday awesome lets go then! so i now had a planned day for thursday....
wednesday i was asked out for Putt Putt for Deans 18th. Happy Birthday Dean! so waiting at lcc for the andersons and culusso's to get there when they did we did the normal thing. pay get ball and sticks and go out the back.
we separated into 3 groups to make it easier, i was with courts and paul while dean went with luke and kieran.
i fail miserably at putt putt. but my first shot was a hole in one while courtney and pauls consited over 8 or 9 shots followed by restart! i thought i may acutally have a chance at winning. well i was wrong. i ended up with 8 over par which put me in last place and a burnt face and back by then end of the course.
while complaining about my score kieran came up to me with
"its ok just think you won at coming last"....-_-' yes well you won soo shhhh  =P
so the after noon was spent looking at suits for the guys for the wedding.
i got a little bored and so did kieran so we found dome wheelie chairs which ended us in wheelie chair pole dancing, wheelie chair running, pushing each other away with our feet and spinning each other will we are dizzy....or the chair falls over.
oh and my chair making fart noises everytime i turned around.....it was a great way to break the awkward silence. =)
on thursday it was mums turn look at dresses. so we went to narellen to have a look and couldnt find anything while i ran into the mall to get my dress for the engagment =) i love it
and then went in the car back to campbelltown to have a look at the bridal store there.
it was meant to be for mum but courtney had found some dresses so she tried them on....once again gorgeous!
then it was mums turn, she tried on dress after dress and didnt like many because of the colour...but she has to wear it cause thats what matches us =)
so after mum had tried on hers she wanted me to try on debutante gowns.
so i tried on white dress after white dress liking many but i fell in love with 1 alfred angelo gown...i think thats the one as well.
but not wanting to choose straight away i left it and am going to keep looking.
friday came more dress shopping.
so we went back to the bridal shop and found my debut gown as a bridesmaid dress. well she wants that..but a shorter version....i couldnt help but laugh!
after that we went and picked up deans cake for the night and then after dropping it home we went to another bridal store where courtney tried on some more dresses....even ones that i wanted to get her into and some ugly ones me and daniela picked out...such a laugh! but one she didnt want looked amazing on her...but anyway we went and had a look at more bridesmaid dresses...when she couldnt find any she liked we went back to her car and went to stockies to have some lunch. it was here we found that courtney's car had been hit while we were in the bridal store, so she rang paul and mum and they told her to go back...we did and found the car that was next to us before sill there.
so me and daniela went inside to try and find him no luck.
so courts rang the police and we ended up sitting in the car space next to us and talking about the hens night while courtney talked to paul and rob.
soo excited about the hens night and bridal showers...hehe ill be able to go on the hens night =D
so then courtney came and joined us and started talking about more wedding stuff and how she wants us all at home the night before to have a few drinks....and of course paul thinks we are going to have a pillow fight in lingerie...
well then while we got bored we started putting important dates in our diary then the police came.....while courts and paul talked we went back to our planning....LOL
so while all the normal things were going on daniela turned to me and said.....does my partner have a nice tight ass.....i need to know for dancing....LMAO
i ran to tell paul and he burst out laughing....haha sorry kieran!
so we went back home after all that and got ready for deans party that night.
we got there about 7ish and he had already had 3 beers...i sat with lily and then it had started to form the Antioch group, it was so good to see Antioch after soo long.
then after a little while lily wanted to go see craig and chris so we went and sat down with them then everyone started to sit down with us...alot of them were drinking so they were tipsy and making my night so entertaining.
then after the cake and dean had got one of his presents ( a deep sea fishing trip) it was back on the drinks and the nutbush came on....well dean ran up to do the nutbush with jackson....this was the start of it....this was followed by the macarena (i got this one on video) followed by dean giving luke a lap dance and starting to strip and the call for the night after the skittles vodka "DEEP SEA FISHING WOOH!" which was enough to make everyone start laughing and of course all this was recorded and then this started kieran following me around with video camera....and micheal following with the camera...LOL
so the night started to end and people started to leave.
by then end it was just a couple people left sitting outside till about 2:30 which is when i went to bed....i woke up the next morning and came home....and yes i spent the day doing my M.T.P.
finished a practise skirt, corset and hat while the rest of the family and rob cleaned for the engagement party next saturday...i feel like i have acomplished alot =)
so as you can see ive been busy this week, but i find if i keep busy the pain is a little less
so till next time
xoxo
KirRawr

I'd Scream Into The Night For You...

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

NYE
New Years Eve
The last day where you have to worry about what has happened in that year.
a time to spend with friends enjoying yourself.
this was the case....up until i ruined it.
my big mouth that cant keep itself shut i always have to say somthing to ruin everything.
i feel like one of those people who are the let downs of the party, who always seem to ruin it for people....
but this time i ruined it for the wrong person.
i said some of the most stupid things a person could ever say not even thinking.
why i said these things...honestly i dont know why....i blew things out of proportion..yet again.
i honestly feel like i deserve to die...
to someone i loved so dearly, with all my heart, who i would do anything for, someone so amazing words cant explain how much they mean or have done for me.
i sit here crying in the hopes they will forgive me.
i stay awake at night crying (they say its theroputic to cry,  but it doesnt seem to help )and spend the days trying to hide my sorrows and hate towards myself....
ive probly even picked up bad habits that could destroy my voice, but with the way ive treated this person i deserve to.
i guess all i can end this with is Sorry
Sorry for what i said
Sorry for what i did
Sorry for accusing you for doing things i knew you wouldnt do because i know your smarter than that
Sorry for the way i treated you
Sorry for never helping you out as much as i should have